She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
