I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
