community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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