hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The Olympian is in my bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
