The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
