so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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