You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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