The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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