happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
