It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
