super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
