I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
