I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
