now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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