His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
