Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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