Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
