Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
