It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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