kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
