i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
