I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
