Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
