am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drake has all the answers
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
