those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is it because I queefed?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
