Plan B is the new Plan A
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
