Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
