you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
