Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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