I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
