lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
