when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
