Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
