I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
