I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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