the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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