life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
