3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
