I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
