I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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