Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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