I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
