Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
