Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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