what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize