it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
