He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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