I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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