dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
