we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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