i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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