Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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