After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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